Parenting Value: Charity

Dinner Topics for Tuesday

Parenting Value: Charity

Richard and Linda Eyre

Individual and personal caring that goes both beneath and beyond loyalty and respect. Love for friends, neighbors, even adversaries. And a prioritized, lifelong commitment of love for family.

Introduction
Our youngest child is named Charity. We like the sound of the word as well as its definition of "pure love." A few weeks before her first birthday we were trying to generate a discussion of love with our older children around the dinner table. What is love? What causes us to feel it for others? And why are some people so much easier to feel it for than others?

Hard questions, especially for children. No -- maybe especially hard for adults and easier for children. The discussion went beyond what we had hoped. We found ourselves learning instead of teaching. We talked about love meaning caring and about how we love those who love us and do things for us. Then our eleven-year-old daughter brought up the illustration of baby Charity. "She doesn't do things for us, we do everything for her, and just think how much we all love Charity!" 

"Well, she does love us," said the seven year old, "you can tell that by how she looks at you."
"And she never tells you to be different," said our nine-year-old son, "she just seems to like you no matter what." 

What are the messages? 

First we learn to love by being loved unconditionally. 

The principle: We may not always love those who serve us. Their love, depending on how it is given, can spoil us, or intimidate us, or even antagonize us. But unconditional, understanding, fully accepting love warms us without reservation and brings about our reciprocal love. And while we may not necessarily love those who serve us, we will love those whom we serve.
Thus, all of the methods for teaching this value boil down to giving children unconditional love and giving them opportunities to serve. 

General Guidelines
Develop a Service Orientation. You and your children can learn collectively to love through serving. Any kind of service project is a "petri dish" for growing love. Look for charitable services that can be rendered as a family and that can involve your children. These can range from "Sub-for-Santa" charity programs at Christmas time to clean-up, fix-up projects in summer to helping needy people at any time of the year. 

Provide and Allow for Apology and "Repentance." This helps show children that you place love and improvement over punishment and penalty. Too often, well-meaning parents adopt an almost Gestapo-like mentality of "justice" and retribution. "Break a law, get a punishment."
Love is better taught in settings where "repentance" or restitution is an alternative to punishment. 

Teach children that when they make a mistake, or lose their temper, or break a family law, they can often avoid a punishment if they apologize, make restitution, and promise not to "do it again." For smaller children use the "repenting bench" mentioned earlier. When two children fight or argue, sit them on the bench and tell them that the only way to get off the bench is to say what they (not the other guy) did wrong, to apologize (including a hug), and to promise not to do it again. Help them to see that whenever there is a fight or argument, both parties have done something ("it takes two to tangle"). 

Praise them and show pride for any "repenting" they do. The whole process can add to the love that is expressed and felt in your home. 

Clearly Separate Dissatisfaction with Behavior from Love of Child. Assure and reassure your children of your unconditional love for them. At every instance of discipline or corrections reiterate that it is what the child did that you do not like and that your love for the child cannot be altered by anything. Mention this frequently to children of all ages and back it up with a hug and physical affection. Say, "James, I was really upset when you were two hours late getting home from school and didn't call me, and you deserve the penalty you're getting, but I want to remind you that it's what you did that I'm not so wild about. I still love you as much as ever. I always do and always will!"
  "Parenting-by-Objective"
Review the activities and stories that go along with this months value. Make sure everyone in your family understands the value so they can see how they can apply it in their own lives and situations.

Talk about the Monthly Value every morning and remind your family to look for opportunities to use the value throughout the day. They may also observe how others don't understand the value. Get your children to share their experience with the value each day at the dinner table or before you go to bed. Be sure to share your experience each day as well. It will help your children know that you are thinking about the value too.

Christmas Music: Messiah by Mormon Tabernacle Choir

Messiah: the Reason for the Season

Mormon Tabernacle Choir: a Christmas Story

Dinner Topics for Friday

Bible Study: Traditions and Dinner Topics

Bible Study and Dinner Talk Question: 

Selling the Birthright- Matthew Stomer

Free Download: Dinner Topics collection, on September 23, 24, 25 in honor of National Family Day


How might our heritage of liberty compare to the “birthright” of American families? Worth noting is this lesson from forgotten history—the ancient example of Biblical parent Rebekah, who guided her son Jacob to rescue the sacred birthright from destruction.

Isaac told his son Esau to bring him venison, and then he would give his son a blessing. Isaac, aged, blind, and dying, prepared to extend the birthright blessing to the eldest son, as was the tradition. Rebekah, however, arranged that Jacob, the younger brother, ended up receiving the birthright blessing. Rebekah’s motives might appear on the surface to be unjustified. But she had reasons, and there have been numerous instances since, in which the eldest did not receive the birthright, because of unworthiness.

A study of this Bible story in Genesis reveals some sensible reasons behind Rebekah’s actions. First, the Lord had told Rebekah that Jacob was to be the birthright son. Second, many years before Isaac was to bestow this great, eternal blessing on one of his sons, Esau had shown contempt for it by selling it to Jacob for a hot meal of pottage. Dallin H. Oaks observed, “Many Esaus have given up something of eternal value in order to satisfy a momentary hunger for the things of this world.” Third, Esau married girls who were unbelievers, in direct disobedience to his parents. Fourth, Esau persisted in wickedness, without remorse.

Surely, over the years, Isaac and Rebekah had sorrowed together a great deal over Esau’s unworthy behavior. Lest we judge Rebekah too harshly, she had not forgotten that the Lord had revealed to her the destiny of the righteous Jacob. As parents do, she must have spent sleepless nights wondering how this would come to pass, especially as time paced inexorably toward the appointed moment. Perhaps by some miraculous means, the Lord would have brought about the prophecy, if Rebekah had had more faith. But at length, the moment of decision came. Isaac was dying, and perhaps he himself saw no way to change the tradition, knowing of no precedent. Nevertheless, once Isaac discovered that he had blessed the younger son, he continued to ratify the blessing. Rebekah was willing to take full responsibility for ensuring that her revelation from God was fulfilled.

In America today, our heritage of liberty might be compared to our sacred birthright. Are we losing that heritage? If so, who is taking it, and what can be done about the pottage replacing it?

What do epic heroes do? They save or rescue nations and peoples. But epic heroism can also take place in a home, within a family. In rescuing the sacred blessings of her family, Rebekah did a heroic act. Are today’s parents confident that their children and grandchildren can enjoy, unfettered, the hard-won heritage of freedom bequeathed by previous generations?

In today’s society of shifting values, most parents have serious misgivings about the future of their families. In the Biblical type-scene, the birthright blessings were in danger of falling into immoral hands. So it is today. When did the birthright begin to slip from our grasp? There is a specific event that breached the protective dike, so to speak.

In 1963 the United States Supreme Court banned prayer and Bible-reading from public schools. Trying to avoid the “establishment of religion,” the Supreme Court actually “prohibited the free exercise thereof,” and inadvertently established atheism as the state religion. Countless teachers and students have been punished for praying or reading the Bible in public schools.

When God was removed from the schools, so was accountability. Over time, as Constitutional principles have been replaced by philosophies of despotism, the slope toward the abyss of moral relativism has slickened, and slipping down it has accelerated. The destructive moral decline in our society can be traced back to the enforcement of atheism. What are the consequences of this enforced system of beliefs?

•    The theory of evolution has been taught as fact almost exclusively in the schools. Equal time to examine creation or intelligent design has been denied.
•    History is no longer taught in the schools. Christopher Columbus, George Washington, and Abraham Lincoln are no longer honored by national holidays in most schools.
•    Fornication and abortion are taught as acceptable behavior. Nevertheless, sexually active girls are three times more likely to take their own lives than those who are abstinent. Boys are eight times more likely. Two thirds of teens who have committed moral transgression wish they could go back to innocence again and desperately wish they had waited.
•    Widespread abortion is considered by some government leaders to be a national cost-saver
 
So, What Is to Be Done?

In the rising generation will be found tomorrow’s leaders. They are our hope for the future. They are epic heroes in training.  That training, also known as character education, is not offered in schools, because the best training manuals, containing the word of God, are banned in the schools. Nevertheless, the pattern for our solution is found in the banned books. Biblical prophets were trained at home, by their parents, or in Samuel’s case, by a priest.

Parents can rescue their families from the onslaught of unholy influences. It is simpler than you think. It doesn’t have to be formal instruction. Think of it. Rebekah’s heroic act revolved around a meal. Just gather for dinner daily and teach with scriptural epic stories, like Jesus did.

Copyright © 2011 by Christine Davidson

Leadership topics

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Christianity, Traditions, and Values

Passing on Christian Traditions and Values

Dinner Topics for Friday

From American Family Association

By Randall Murphree

Mother and author Cricket Albertson recently talked to AFA Journal editor Randall Murphree about principles for discipling children.

AFA Journal: Why does this issue need to be addressed? Has it not already been done?

Cricket Albertson: The more people we have speaking with and about a passion for Jesus Christ, the better. I am a fourth generation Christian and many of my friends and family are in full time Christian service. Since becoming a mother, my question is: How do we prevent a generational slide that results in a limp and lukewarm faith?

AFAJ: Don't Christian mothers have an innate capacity to pass their faith along to their children? And where is Dad in all this?

CA: I was given opportunity to share my testimony at Come to the Fire Conference, a wonderful holiness women's conference. This book came out of that opportunity, so it is written by a mother to other mothers, but I believe the principles in it apply to fathers and grandparents as well. 

The temptation in our culture is to have our children, settle into parenting, and begin looking for the next adventure: ministry, food, exercise or other things to bring fulfillment. And the early commitment to be an opportunity for God in the home wanes a little bit.

Fathers may be the most important spiritual influence in the home because they represent the love and security of God the Father. If they image Him well, children are blessed, and if not, children are deeply wounded. But I do believe that mothers have a vital role to play in daily nurturing their children in the faith.

AFAJ: Do we get absolute promises from your book?

CA: No, it is not a "how-to" book. In fact, my children are 12, 10 and 8, so we are very much on a journey of joy as we seek God's design for our family. This book simply records some of God's teaching and dealings with our family.

Complete article

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Catholic Church, the Election, and Freedom of Religion

Will You Vote the Values that Stand the Test of Fire?

Dinner Topics for Friday

Character, Traditional Family in Crisis

Dinner Topics for Thursday:Defending the Family in a Troubled World

By Bruce D. Porter

So vital is the family to the cycle of human life and the renewal of each generation that it is fair to say that if the family breaks down, everything breaks down. If families do not fulfill their divinely appointed purpose of carrying on the light of truth and the torch of civilization to the next generation, then we can throw any amount of money or ideas or programs at our world’s problems, and we will assuredly fail.

Those who honor the calling of righteous parenthood will find their souls refined, their hearts purified, and their minds enlightened by the most important lessons of life.Happy, loving families, though imperfect and falling short of the ideal, are the closest thing we have on earth to a small-scale model of eternity, a tiny seed of unimaginable glory to come.

The differences between men and women are not simply biological. They are woven into the fabric of the universe, a vital, foundational element of eternal life and divine nature.The family is intended by God as the great entryway into mortal life. It is central to the salvation of the human race, the perpetuation of civilization, and the birth and rearing of each new generation.

In families more than anywhere else children learn the values, practical life skills, manners, and fundamental truths that enable them to rise up and be successful in the world. They learn the all-important attributes of love, unselfishness, sharing, giving, and hard work that someday will be essential for them to form families of their own and to rear up a new generation in order that the great wheel of life may roll onward. 

So vital is the family to the cycle of human life and the renewal of each generation that it is fair to say that if the family breaks down, everything breaks down. If families do not fulfill their divinely appointed purpose of carrying on the light of truth and the torch of civilization to the next generation, then we can throw any amount of money or ideas or programs at our world’s problems, and we will assuredly fail.

The Family Is in Crisis

. Those who defend the traditional family, who stand for fidelity and chastity and all that once was considered wholesome and praiseworthy are mocked and ridiculed. On the other hand, those who see no problem with fatherless homes, who advocate abortion, who fight all attempts to limit pornography, and who seek to redefine the very essence of what a family is, are praised and upheld as champions of tolerance.

In no known human society, past or present, have children generally been raised outside of an intact nuclear family.

 

The disintegration of millions of families has taken place in part because popular media and culture have glorified the pursuit of self: of the wholly autonomous individual unconnected with social or moral obligations, free to pursue whatever ends he or she chooses so long as it does not cause direct physical harm to other aggrandizing selves.

Happiness through Selflessness and Obedience

The family by its very nature is an institution based upon righteous self-denial and sacrifice.

Successful families require that men and women make substantial and long-term sacrifices of their time, money, and personal fulfillment in order to dedicate their efforts to rearing the next generation.

. Many today find it irrational to devote so much time and energy to the welfare of the next generation, but if this commitment is not deeply rooted in society, civilization will decline and perish, while children grow up in a moral wasteland, confused, unguided, and unloved.

His laws and commandments are intended to bless us, to uplift us, and to bring us joy. They mark the path of safety amidst the storms and mists of mortal existence. 

To some the very idea of a strait and narrow path will seem intolerant of those who choose different paths. By holding up a divine ideal of what family ought to be, they claim we are guilty of intolerance toward those who choose other paths, other standards, other definitions of right and wrong. But is this really true?

The Shifting Definition of Tolerance

Until recently in our national history, tolerance referred to racial and religious non-discrimination. It meant civility in the political arena; in other words, respecting the right of others to express their views, even if we do not agree with them. It meant treating all people with decency and respect. Such tolerance is an important and vital part of our American heritage.

Today, however, the world is in danger of abandoning all sense of absolute right or wrong, all morality and virtue, replacing them with an all-encompassing “tolerance” that no longer means what it once meant. An extreme definition of tolerance is now widespread that implicitly or explicitly endorses the right of every person to choose their own morality, even their own “truth,” as though morality and truth were mere matters of personal preference. This extreme tolerance culminates in a refusal to recognize any fixed standards or draw moral distinctions of any kind. Few dare say no to the “almighty self” or suggest that some so-called “lifestyles” may be destructive, contrary to higher law, or simply wrong.

When tolerance is so inflated out of all proportions, it means the death of virtue, for the essence of morality is to draw clear distinctions between right and wrong. All virtue requires saying no firmly and courageously to all that is morally bankrupt.

Curiously enough, this new modern tolerance is often a one-way street. Those who practice it expect everyone to tolerate them in anything they say or do, but show no tolerance themselves toward those who express differing viewpoints or defend traditional morality. Indeed, their intolerance is often most barbed toward those of religious conviction. But let there be no misunderstanding or deception: the First Amendment right of free speech applies to religious speech as well as to other kinds of speech. Believers of all faiths have every right to participate in and share their convictions in the public arena.

 

Repentance

God’s love is sometimes described as unconditional. It is true that God loves all of His children on earth no matter how often or how far they may stray. But while God’s love is all-encompassing, His blessings are highly conditional, including the very blessing of being able to feel and experience His love. The further human beings stray from the path of righteousness, the less they will be capable of feeling divine love, because it is conveyed into our hearts by the Holy Spirit. This does not mean that God loves us less when we stray, only that we, by our choices and actions, have distanced ourselves from His love. How wondrous, then, is the gift of repentance, by which we can be brought back into accord with His will and feel again of His love.

Our Responsibility to Defend the Family

“We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.”

We ought to give our best efforts, in cooperation with like-minded persons and institutions, to defend the family and raise a voice of warning and of invitation to the world.

Regardless of what the future may hold, God has ordained that in the dispensation of the fullness of times, the parents of the Church will be given power to help save their children from the darkness around them.

 

May we sacrifice and labor to rear a generation strong enough to resist the siren songs of popular culture, a generation filled with the Holy Ghost so that they may discern the difference between good and evil, between legitimate tolerance and moral surrender.

Bible Study, Dinner, Traditions, and the Supreme Court

 Bible Study, Dinner, Traditions, and the Supreme Court

Bible Study and Dinner Talk Question: How might our heritage of liberty compare to the “birthright” of American families? Worth noting is this lesson from forgotten history—the ancient example of Biblical parent Rebekah, who guided her son Jacob to rescue the sacred birthright from destruction.

Isaac told his son Esau to bring him venison, and then he would give his son a blessing. Isaac, aged, blind, and dying, prepared to extend the birthright blessing to the eldest son, as was the tradition. Rebekah, however, arranged that Jacob, the younger brother, ended up receiving the birthright blessing. Rebekah’s motives might appear on the surface to be unjustified. But she had reasons, and there have been numerous instances since, in which the eldest did not receive the birthright, because of unworthiness.

Selling the Birthright, by Matthias Stomer, 1640

A study of this Bible story in Genesis reveals some sensible reasons behind Rebekah’s actions. First, the Lord had told Rebekah that Jacob was to be the birthright son. Second, many years before Isaac was to bestow this great, eternal blessing on one of his sons, Esau had shown contempt for it by selling it to Jacob for a hot meal of pottage. Dallin H. Oaks observed, “Many Esaus have given up something of eternal value in order to satisfy a momentary hunger for the things of this world.” Third, Esau married girls who were unbelievers, in direct disobedience to his parents. Fourth, Esau persisted in wickedness, without remorse.

Surely, over the years, Isaac and Rebekah had sorrowed together a great deal over Esau’s unworthy behavior. Lest we judge Rebekah too harshly, she had not forgotten that the Lord had revealed to her the destiny of the righteous Jacob. As parents do, she must have spent sleepless nights wondering how this would come to pass, especially as time paced inexorably toward the appointed moment. Perhaps by some miraculous means, the Lord would have brought about the prophecy, if Rebekah had had more faith. But at length, the moment of decision came. Isaac was dying, and perhaps he himself saw no way to change the tradition, knowing of no precedent. Nevertheless, once Isaac discovered that he had blessed the younger son, he continued to ratify the blessing. Rebekah was willing to take full responsibility for ensuring that her revelation from God was fulfilled.

In America today, our heritage of liberty might be compared to our sacred birthright. Are we losing that heritage? If so, who is taking it, and what can be done about the pottage replacing it?

What do epic heroes do? They save or rescue nations and peoples. But epic heroism can also take place in a home, within a family. In rescuing the sacred blessings of her family, Rebekah did a heroic act. Are today’s parents confident that their children and grandchildren can enjoy, unfettered, the hard-won heritage of freedom bequeathed by previous generations?

In today’s society of shifting values, most parents have serious misgivings about the future of their families. In the Biblical type-scene, the birthright blessings were in danger of falling into immoral hands. So it is today. When did the birthright begin to slip from our grasp? There is a specific event that breached the protective dike, so to speak.

In 1963 the United States Supreme Court banned prayer and Bible-reading from public schools. Trying to avoid the “establishment of religion,” the Supreme Court actually “prohibited the free exercise thereof,” and inadvertently established atheism as the state religion. Countless teachers and students have been punished for praying or reading the Bible in public schools.

When God was removed from the schools, so was accountability. Over time, as Constitutional principles have been replaced by philosophies of despotism, the slope toward the abyss of moral relativism has slickened, and slipping down it has accelerated. The destructive moral decline in our society can be traced back to the enforcement of atheism. What are the consequences of this enforced system of beliefs?

•    The theory of evolution has been taught as fact almost exclusively in the schools. Equal time to examine creation or intelligent design has been denied.
•    History is no longer taught in the schools. Christopher Columbus, George Washington, and Abraham Lincoln are no longer honored by national holidays in most schools.
•    Fornication and abortion are taught as acceptable behavior. Nevertheless, sexually active girls are three times more likely to take their own lives than those who are abstinent. Boys are eight times more likely. Two thirds of teens who have committed moral transgression wish they could go back to innocence again and desperately wish they had waited.

•    Widespread abortion is considered by some government leaders to be a national cost-saver

So, What Is to Be Done?

In the rising generation will be found tomorrow’s leaders. They are our hope for the future. They are epic heroes in training.  That training, also known as character education, is not offered in schools, because the best training manuals, containing the word of God, are banned in the schools. Nevertheless, the pattern for our solution is found in the banned books. Biblical prophets were trained at home, by their parents, or in Samuel’s case, by a priest.

Parents can rescue their families from the onslaught of unholy influences. It is simpler than you think. It doesn’t have to be formal instruction. Think of it. Rebekah’s heroic act revolved around a meal. Just gather for dinner daily and teach with scriptural epic stories, like Jesus did.

Copyright © 2011 by Christine Davidson

C.A. Davidson is author of Epic Stories for Character Education, a collection of scriptural epic stories told in easy, dinner-talk style. Additional dinner talk topics for leadership training of young adults: book reviews, sociology and culture, world history, heritage, stress management, and family traditions are provided in the Dinner Talk for Champions, a character education journal, and may be found at http://www.epicworld.info