Parenting Value: Self Discipline

Parenting Value: Self-Discipline and Temperance

Dinner topics for Thursday

Self Discipline

Physical, mental, and financial self-discipline. Moderation in speaking, in eating, in exercising. The controlling and bridling of one's own appetites. Understanding the limits of body and mind. Avoiding the dangers of extreme, unbalanced viewpoints. The ability to balance self-discipline with spontaneity.

Introduction

This year, as he approaches fourteen, our most undisciplined child is beginning to show great progress. Three years ago he simply could not remember to do his homework. On occasion when he did do his work, he couldn't seem to remember whether or not he'd handed it in. His thoughts were immersed in model airplanes, snakes and gerbils, and computer games. Nothing else mattered much to him. I was constantly nagging him to clean his room and "get his act together." 

Then two fairly significant things happened to him: Our family moved to England, and he was enrolled in an extremely disciplined school for boys, complete with a school uniform that included black wool pants, black leather shoes, gray socks, a white shirt, gray V-neck sweater, school tie, and blue blazer. Any boy lacking any part of his uniform was severely reprimanded. Not only that, each boy was required to take thirteen subjects, which included physics, chemistry, classical studies, and mythology. Not a bad schedule of classes for a seventh-grader! Each boy was required to carry an assignment notebook in the left-inside pocket of his jacket. Each class and the assignment for that day were to be carefully printed inside. Any teacher could stop any boy and ask to see his notebook at any time. If the notebook was not there or was not complete, the student was doomed to detention. 

At about the same time, I decided that my relationship with this child was suffering because of my incessant reminders to practice, to clean his room, to get his homework done. I eased off, and decided that my communication and friendship with him were more important than the tidiness of his room. 

This year this boy was transformed from a caterpillar to a lovely moth. (He can't really be classified as a butterfly, because his room still looks about the same -- even though he cleans it up at least once a month now without being asked.) 

I find little homework lists in the jumbled place he calls his room, and he just became an Eagle Scout and a member of the National Honor Society. Instead of thinking of him as a thorn in my side, I now regard him as one of my favorite people. -- Linda 

Self-discipline means many things: being able to motivate and manage yourself and your time, being able to control yourself and your temper, being able to control your appetites (and here the companion word moderation comes into play). 

Self-discipline and moderation are two sides of the same coin. Self-discipline is pulling up and away from the laziness of doing too little. Moderation is pulling in and away from the excesses of trying to do or to have too much. 

Discipline and moderation are profound and universal values because their presence helps us and others and their absence inevitably causes short- or long-term hurt. 

These are values on which all parents must work personally. And it is our example, more than any other method or technique, that will teach this value to our children.

"Parenting-by-Objective"
 
Review the activities and stories that go along with this months value. Make sure everyone in your family understands the value so they can see how they can apply it in their own lives and situations.
Talk about the Monthly Value every morning and remind your family to look for opportunities to use the value throughout the day. They may also observe how others don't understand the value. Get your children to share their experience with the value each day at the dinner table or before you go to bed. Be sure to share your experience each day as well. It will help your children know that you are thinking about the value too.

Methods for Teaching Self Discipline to Pre-School, Elementary, and Adolescents

Parenting Value: Anger Management

Parenting Value: Peaceability, Control of Temper

Dinner Topics for Wednesday

Richard and Linda Eyre

"Calmness. Peacefulness. Serenity. The tendency to try to accommodate rather than argue. The understanding that differences are seldom resolved through conflict and that meanness in others is an indication of their problem or insecurity and thus of their need for your understanding. The ability to understand how others feel rather than simply reaction to them. Control of temper."

Introduction
Children need calmness. It gives them a kind of security. Peace and the control of temper is a powerful and important value that is largely a product of love and of the atmosphere created in a home! Understanding is the key. We seldom lose our temper when we are trying to understand. Children who are taught to try to understand why things happen and why people act the way they do will become calmer and more in control.

We have used the term peaceability to mean understanding, calmness, patience, control, and accommodation -- essentially the opposite of anger, losing one's temper, impatience, and irritation. Just as there are a lot of ways to be dishonest, there are a lot of ways to be unpeaceable. Peaceability does not mean the elimination of ignoring of emotions. Rather, it means to control them and to prevent their causing hurt to other people. 

Calmness and peaceability are values because they help others as well as ourselves to feel better and to function better. In addition to being values, they are contagious qualities. As you develop them within yourself, they are "caught" by others around you, particularly by children. 

General Guidelines
 
Create a peaceful atmosphere in your home. Try to enhance the setting in which you live and teach this value. Improve the calmness of your home by: (a) playing restful music -- much classical music creates a feeling of refinement, order, and peace; (b) controlling the tone and decibel level of your own voice -- yelling accomplishes little and instantly punctures a peaceable atmosphere; (c) touching others in your family -- we talk more softly when we touch; put a hand on a shoulder or arm as you speak to someone. 

Set an example of and have an advance commitment to calmness. Demonstrate the practice and the benefits of peaceability to your children and take advantage of the quality's "contagiousness." It is natural, as a parent, to say, "I have a right to get upset," or "They needed that." But no matter how much "right" we have, getting upset with children simply doesn't work very well, and children really don't "need" to see us lose our temper. 

There is occasionally a place for "righteous indignation" -- when children willfully and flagrantly do something they know is wrong. But too often our anger comes from our own frustration and sets negative and even dangerous precedents. Unfortunately anger, volatility, and impatience are as contagious as calmness. Children frequently exposed to it inevitably become frequent expressers of it. 

Teach by praise. Try to develop a "contagious calm" in yourself and to build it in children through positive praise. 

Besides working to stay calm within ourselves, and trying to respond in a peaceful way, parents need to learn that "praise is peaceful" while "negative is nervous."

"Parenting-by-Objective"
Review the activities and stories that go along with this months value. Make sure everyone in your family understands the value so they can see how they can apply it in their own lives and situations.

Talk about the Monthly Value every morning and remind your family to look for opportunities to use the value throughout the day. They may also observe how others don't understand the value. Get your children to share their experience with the value each day at the dinner table or before you go to bed. Be sure to share your experience each day as well. It will help your children know that you are thinking about the value too.

Parenting, Peer Pressure, and Drug Abuse

Parenting and Prevention: Preparation Helps Resist Peer Pressure and Drug Abuse

Dinner Topics for Thursday

Teach young adults how to lead, not follow, their peers.

Daniel was one of four children of Israel chosen by the king of Babylon to live on the king’s diet for three years.  He faced peer pressure, too- -possibly fatal. Yet he held firm to his religious health code. How can we help our children say no to drugs?

The temptation and pressure Daniel faced was real. It was surely an honor to be chosen, as a second-class citizen, to participate with princes of the kingdom. Worse, he was good friends with the chief eunuch who was conducting the program. The eunuch feared he would lose his head if he contradicted the king. But Daniel was confident. He asked for ten days to use his own diet of simple food, and water instead of wine. His request was granted, and the king observed that the four young men did indeed prove to be healthier and wiser than their peers.

What can we do to help our children make the same wise choices? For years, the Center for Addictions and Substance Abuse has taught that children who eat dinner with their families abuse drugs less, are healthier, and do better in school.

It’s really as simple as it sounds. Obviously, daily meals prepared at home are more nutritious than fast food gulped down while on the run. But there are other benefits. Studies show that strong parental example weakens negative peer influence. The more your children interact with positive adult role models, the more they will act like mature, responsible adults themselves, and the less they will be influenced by confused, unhappy peers.

Example is certainly reinforced by word or precept, but what can you say that won’t sound like preaching? Try stories about epic heroes. By telling parables, Jesus taught his hearers how to make wise choices using principles of self-government.

The story says that “Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself”. (Daniel 1:8) Many successful parents have taught their children to decide beforehand that they will not defile their bodies—that they will abstain from addictive substances and keep themselves morally pure. Then when the moment of decision is upon them, they are better prepared to withstand peer pressure. Dinner topics might include a discussion of the epic hero Daniel, as well as role playing possible dialogue that might arise. Discuss ways your young adults can decline in a polite, kind, or even humorous way, as Daniel was able to respectfully adhere to his principles. Often your children will find that peers respect them for their courage, and are enticed by positive peer pressure. If your children hold firm once, they are empowered to do it again.

There is yet another powerful benefit. The story relates that “in all matters of wisdom and understanding” Daniel and his friends excelled, far beyond even the king’s adult magicians and astrologers. (Daniel 1:20)There is a principle upon which this blessing is based. Those who keep their bodies pure and undefiled are better able to be guided by the Holy Spirit. They are thus happier individuals who go on to provide a stable environment for their own families.

Copyright © 2011 by C.A. Davidson 

C.A. Davidson is author of Epic Stories for Character Education, a collection of scriptural epic stories told in easy, dinner-talk style. Daily dinner topics help parents teach young adults how to lead, not follow, their peers.  “Dinner Topics for Epic Heroes Journal”  may be found at http://www.epicworld.info

Economics, Character, and Gold Standard

Economics, Gold Standard, and National Character

Dinner Topics for Tuesday

“It is ordained in the eternal constitution of things, that men of intemperate minds cannot be free.” ~ Edumund Burke 

 Note: As of 2009, "In God We Trust" is still on the new dollar coins, but not on the front. Only on the back. It seems to be a sign of the times--a slippery slope? A reflection of our national character? We ought to keep an eye on the minters. Maybe next time it will be gone altogether. ~ C.D.

“It is ordained in the eternal constitution of things, that men of intemperate minds cannot be free.” These words by Edmund Burke have been the unspoken standard in our civilization since America was founded. By standard I mean a definite rule or principle by which things are measured. Gold or silver standard simply means that paper money is backed by a precious metal of intrinsic value.

Once there was a time when the standard of currency was measured by gold or sterling silver. The pound sterling, which is the name of Great Britain’s currency, comes from its early use of the silver standard. Sterling silver is defined as having a fixed standard of purity or conforming to the highest standard.

Gold Standard

Throughout the nineteenth century, America and Europe experimented back and forth with gold and silver. Seeking more monetary stability, the United States, along with many other nations, accepted the gold standard in 1873. Not long afterward, Silver Certificates were also issued, which could be redeemed in silver dollars and bullion (bulk metal). In 1933 the US discontinued the gold standard and maintained Silver Certificates, which continued until the death of President Kennedy in 1963.  In 1968 President Nixon ended both the gold and silver standard.

The gold standard prevented governments from printing too much paper money, and causing inflation (over-priced goods and services due to too much money in circulation). Governments were also limited in flexibility to create monetary policy and stabilize financial shocks. However, financial shocks are often caused by the very monetary policies that governments like to create. The free market, when left free of interference, will correct itself from time to time. The impact of these corrections can be proportional to the degree of fiscal responsibility exercised by a nation’s citizens and government. Those nations with robust economies tend to keep taxes low and minimize interference with the free market.

Today most nations use fiat money, which is money that has no intrinsic value, and is used only as a medium of exchange.  Our only standard has been the confidence of the world that the US will honor its debts. Our monetary policy is based on our good character—ability to keep promises—to pay our debts. How are we doing?

Without a standard of gold or silver, good character without greed is the only thing that keeps our government from debauching your money by paying debts with printed money. We presently have many elected officials who are now devoted to restoring fiscal responsibility to our monetary policy. It will take a long time to undo the damage of recent years.

To protect long term investments against inflation, you may look into savings of some kind. IRAs and Certificates of Deposit currently yield 3-5 percent, if your bank is giving you a “good deal.” Banks are now investing more in gold, which can yield ten times that much. Some financial institutions lend money to irresponsible people who cannot pay their loans, but reward the frugal with an insulting three pennies on the dollar of their savings.

Character

Some individuals use tax money to support immorality; some huge corporations take tax money that they don’t need. Other multi-million dollar businesses run their production lines around the clock, every day of the year, endangering the safety of their employees for lack of sufficient rest. In a past era, the only businesses which never closed were hospitals and fire departments. Now everyone stays open all the time. Why? Greed. They lose money if they close one day a week so their workers can be with their families.

The government is a product of the people; its character is representative of the national character. In the United States, the government is supposed to be accountable to the people. The people used to be accountable to God.

The silver standard is no longer with us. Nevertheless, “In God We Trust” is still engraved upon our currency. In the modern era, even an age of relativism, the quest for sterling character still begins at home. The true individual worth built in the family circle ultimately influences entire nations.

Sterling character is not measured in money. At the end of the day, it is not what we acquire that matters, but what we become.

Copyright © 2011 by Christine Davidson

Bible Study: Moral Example

 Lead others  by Moral Example and Setting the Standard High

 Dinner Topics for Monday

By Ann Dibb

Heavenly Father does not want us to look to the world and follow its ever-changing trends. He wants us to look to Him and follow His unchanging guidance. He wants us to live the gospel and lead others to it by setting the standard high.

The scriptures provide many great examples to illustrate this idea. In the book of Judges in the Old Testament, we learn about Samson. Samson was born with great potential. His mother was promised, “He shall begin to deliver Israel out of the hand of the Philistines.”⁹ But as Samson grew, he looked more to the world’s temptations than to God’s direction. He made choices because they “pleaseth [him] well”¹⁰ rather than because those choices were right. Repeatedly, the scriptures use the phrase “and he went down”¹¹ as they tell of Samson’s journeys, actions, and choices. Instead of arising and shining forth to fulfill his great potential, Samson was overcome by the world, lost his God-given power, and died a tragic, early death.

On the other hand, the scriptures provide the example of Daniel. Daniel was also born with great potential. In the book of Daniel, chapter 6, we read, “Daniel was preferred above the presidents and princes, because an excellent spirit was in him.”¹² When worldly challenges came to Daniel, he didn’t look down at the world—he arose and looked to heaven. Instead of following the king’s worldly decree that no one should pray to anyone but the king for 30 days, Daniel “went into his house; and his windows being open in his chamber toward Jerusalem, he kneeled upon his knees three times a day, and prayed, and gave thanks before his God, as he did aforetime.”¹³

Daniel was not afraid to arise and shine forth in following God’s commandments. Although he spent an uncomfortable night in the lions’ den for standing for what was right, he was protected and blessed for his obedience. When King Darius removed Daniel from the lions’ den the next morning, he made a decree that everyone should fear Daniel’s God and follow Daniel’s example of faithfulness. Truly, Daniel shows us what it means to be a standard for the nations and never lower our standards in the face of worldly temptations.

Arise and Shine Forth

I have been blessed to hear many modern-day examples of youth, just like you, who are not afraid to arise and shine forth and allow their light to be a standard among their peers. Joanna was one of only three members of the Church in her high school and the only young woman in her ward. She committed to herself and the Lord that she would never use bad language. When she was paired with a young man for a school project who had not made the same commitment, she did not lower her standards. She asked him to respect and honor her values. Over time, with many gentle and some not-so-gentle reminders, her friend formed new habits and used cleaner language. Many people noticed the difference, including his father, who thanked Joanna for being a good influence in his son’s life.¹⁴

On a recent assignment in the Philippines, I met Karen, who shared an experience she had as a Laurel while studying for a bachelor’s degree in hotel and restaurant management. A teacher required that every student learn to make and taste the variety of drinks that would be served in their restaurants. Some of the drinks contained alcohol, and Karen knew it was against the Lord’s commandments for her to taste them. In the face of serious consequences, Karen found courage to arise and shine forth, and she did not partake of the drinks.

Karen explained: “My teacher approached me and asked me why I was not drinking. He said, ‘Miss Karen, how will you know the flavor and pass this important subject if you do not at least taste the drinks?’ I told him that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and as members, we do not drink things that are harmful to us. Whatever he expected of me, even if it meant receiving a failing grade, I would understand, but I would not fail to live my personal standards.”

Weeks passed, and nothing more was said about that day. At the end of the semester, Karen knew her final grade would reflect her refusal to taste the drinks. She hesitated to look at her grade, but when she did, she discovered that she had received the highest grade in the class.

She said: “I learned through this experience that God … will surely bless us when we follow Him. I also know that even if I had received a failing grade, I would not regret what I had done. I know that I will never fail in the Lord’s sight when I choose to do what I know to be the right thing.”¹⁵