Self Discipline
Physical, mental, and financial self-discipline.
Moderation in speaking, in eating, in exercising. The controlling and bridling
of one's own appetites. Understanding the limits of body and mind. Avoiding the
dangers of extreme, unbalanced viewpoints. The ability to balance
self-discipline with spontaneity.
Introduction
This year, as he approaches fourteen, our most undisciplined
child is beginning to show great progress. Three years ago he simply could not
remember to do his homework. On occasion when he did do his work, he couldn't
seem to remember whether or not he'd handed it in. His thoughts were immersed
in model airplanes, snakes and gerbils, and computer games. Nothing else
mattered much to him. I was constantly nagging him to clean his room and
"get his act together."
Then two fairly significant things happened to him: Our
family moved to England, and he was enrolled in an extremely disciplined school
for boys, complete with a school uniform that included black wool pants, black
leather shoes, gray socks, a white shirt, gray V-neck sweater, school tie, and
blue blazer. Any boy lacking any part of his uniform was severely reprimanded.
Not only that, each boy was required to take thirteen subjects, which included
physics, chemistry, classical studies, and mythology. Not a bad schedule of
classes for a seventh-grader! Each boy was required to carry an assignment
notebook in the left-inside pocket of his jacket. Each class and the assignment
for that day were to be carefully printed inside. Any teacher could stop any
boy and ask to see his notebook at any time. If the notebook was not there or
was not complete, the student was doomed to detention.
At about the same time, I decided that my relationship with
this child was suffering because of my incessant reminders to practice, to
clean his room, to get his homework done. I eased off, and decided that my
communication and friendship with him were more important than the tidiness of
his room.
This year this boy was transformed from a caterpillar to a
lovely moth. (He can't really be classified as a butterfly, because his room
still looks about the same -- even though he cleans it up at least once a month
now without being asked.)
I find little homework lists in the jumbled place he calls
his room, and he just became an Eagle Scout and a member of the National Honor
Society. Instead of thinking of him as a thorn in my side, I now regard him as
one of my favorite people. -- Linda
Self-discipline means many things: being able to motivate
and manage yourself and your time, being able to control yourself and your
temper, being able to control your appetites (and here the companion word
moderation comes into play).
Self-discipline and moderation are two sides of the same
coin. Self-discipline is pulling up and away from the laziness of doing too
little. Moderation is pulling in and away from the excesses of trying to do or
to have too much.
Discipline and moderation are profound and universal values
because their presence helps us and others and their absence inevitably causes
short- or long-term hurt.
These are values on which all parents must work personally.
And it is our example, more than any other method or technique, that will teach
this value to our children.
"Parenting-by-Objective"
Review the activities and stories that go along with this
months value. Make sure everyone in your family understands the value so they
can see how they can apply it in their own lives and situations.
Talk about the Monthly Value every morning and remind your
family to look for opportunities to use the value throughout the day. They may
also observe how others don't understand the value. Get your children to share
their experience with the value each day at the dinner table or before you go
to bed. Be sure to share your experience each day as well. It will help your
children know that you are thinking about the value too.
