Parenting Value: Respect

Respect

Richard and Linda Eyre

Respect for life, for property, for parents, for elders, for nature, and for the beliefs and rights of others. Courtesy, politeness, and manners. Self-respect and the avoidance of self-criticism.

Introduction

The importance of and basic necessity for respect are self-evident. Respect is the basis and foundation (and often the motivation) for several of the other basic values of life. Children who learn both to implement and to understand the principle of respect will be better members of society, better friends, and better leaders.

The teaching of respect is an interesting and somewhat difficult proposition. The main thing to remember is that respect isn't given consistently unless it is received. We need first to respect our children (in terms of how we speak to them and how we treat them) and then to absolutely demand that they show respect for us in return. The respect they receive in the home will be the basis for their own self-respect; and the respect they learn to show in the home (to family members) will be the foundation on which to build respect for others outside the home.

General Guidelines

Teach by your own examples. Show respectful behavior. As always, example is the best teacher. During this month be ever-conscious of respect. Let your children see and hear you being concerned for the property and rights of others, assisting the elderly, caring for nature, being polite in all situations and showing self-respect in terms of how you look and how you speak of yourself. 

Extend respect and then expect respect. Create the proper climate for respect in your own home. We often speak to and deal with our children with less respect than we show to strangers. We treat them as though they have no rights an deserve no explanations. We say "because I said so" and we give them no benefit of the doubt and assume they are guilty until proven innocent. 

We need to change this, even if it requires imagining that they are strangers and speaking to them accordingly. Use the words "please" and "thank you" more. Ask them whenever possible instead of telling them. Ask for their advice or input on things. Respect their opinions. 

Once we make this effort, we are in a position to expect (even demand) respect in return. Make it clear that respect includes tone of voice as well as manners. This expectation must be consistent and repetitive. Simply do not allow disrespect in your home. 

Give plenty of praise and recognition. Reinforce respectful behavior and encourage its repetition. Make up your mind to watch for opportunities to praise courtesy and politeness during the month. Catch them doing something right and make a big deal of it. Praise them in front of other family members -- and then try to remember to praise them privately, one on one, later the same day. 

Give them a chance to correct themselves by saying "Let's start over." This is a good method to correct disrespectful behavior in a positive way. Establish the pattern (and the habit, in connection with consistently not allowing disrespect in the home) of saying, "Let's start over." When a disrespectful answer is given, when someone fails to say "please" or "thank you," say "Let's start over." Then repeat the situation, letting the child do it right. Do this with children of all ages. And when necessary, say, "Let's start over" for yourself and then repeat your own statement or behavior in a more respectful way.

"Parenting-by-Objective"

Review the activities and stories that go along with this months value. Make sure everyone in your family understands the value so they can see how they can apply it in their own lives and situations.

Talk about the Monthly Value every morning and remind your family to look for opportunities to use the value throughout the day. They may also observe how others don't understand the value. Get your children to share their experience with the value each day at the dinner table or before you go to bed. Be sure to share your experience each day as well. It will help your children know that you are thinking about the value too.

Parenting Value: Responsibility, Not Blame

Self-reliance and Potential

Dinner Topics for Wednesday

Individuality. Awareness and development of gifts and uniqueness. Taking responsibility for own actions. Overcoming the tendency to blame others for difficulties. Commitment to personal excellence.

 Richard and Linda Eyre

Introduction

Our fifteen-year-old daughter, true to her age, her hormones, and her nature, had spent the evening alternating between hot anger, cool sullenness, agitated irritation at other family members, and woeful, sorrowful withdrawal. "I'm going to flunk math because the teacher is so weird. He never explains anything. He grades way too hard. He never calls on me when my hand is up. I don't care anyway, grades are way too important to most people. Actually, it's my brothers and sisters who are ruining my grade. They're so loud and noisy, I can't study around here. Forget about an A. A B- is okay. It's not best, but it's good, and no one should be dissatisfied with good. If you'd been around more to help me study, maybe I wouldn't be in this mess." It was a not-so-rare collection of statements illustrating self-criticism and the blaming of others that goes on so often with some adolescents. But it wasn't our daughter's truest self. We had learned that at such moments there was little to do but wait for that truer inner self to emerge.

It finally did, about ten-thirty. "I'm sorry, Mom and Dad. That was stupid. It's my class and my grade. It's my own fault about the last test. I'll go and see if I can make it up. I know I have the ability to get an A."

Jekyll and Hyde? So many adolescents are. The challenge for parents is to encourage the Jekyll and help it win over the long run. 

There are two separate but closely related principles involved here. The first is the self-reliance of accepting the responsibility for and the consequences of one's own actions and performance, rather than blaming luck or circumstances or someone else. The second is trying to be one's best self and asking the best from oneself -- the conscious pursuit of individuality and potential -- and the conscious rejection of avoidable mediocrity.

"Self-reliance and potential," as we have called it, is a powerful value. Those who have it help others by accepting responsibility and doing their best in the world. Those who don't have it hurt others by blaming them and by failing to develop the gifts and talents that could serve or enlighten or benefit other people. One who reaches his potential helps others in many ways as he develops himself. One who never seeks his full potential indirectly hurts others by not doing the good or setting the example he is capable of.

This value is about trying to know ourselves, to do our best, and to accept the consequences both of who we are and of what we do. 

One way to think of self-reliance and potential is as two sides of the same coin. Self-reliance has a lot to do with taking the blame or the responsibility for negative things that happen. Potential has a lot to do with taking a little credit and taking the right kind of pride in what we are able to become and what we are able to accomplish. 

When we take blame and responsibility, we resolve and grow and improve. When we don't, we become bitter, jealous, and defensive. When we take positive pride in what we're doing with ourselves and our gifts, we feel the growth of individuality and self-esteem. When we don't, we tend to become followers or plodders in the standard ruts of life. 

Good luck in making this your value of the month for October!

"Parenting-by-Objective"

Review the activities and stories that go along with this months value. Make sure everyone in your family understands the value so they can see how they can apply it in their own lives and situations.

Talk about the Monthly Value every morning and remind your family to look for opportunities to use the value throughout the day. They may also observe how others don't understand the value. Get your children to share their experience with the value each day at the dinner table or before you go to bed. Be sure to share your experience each day as well. It will help your children know that you are thinking about the value too.

America, Respect, and Patriotism

Immature Adults Protest Children Singing God Bless the U.S.A.

Yet these same childish parents could let children be taught to sing chants for Obama in school, treating him as if he were some kind of god, (which has been done) and nary a peep of protest. 

 Bravo for the parents who encouraged patriotism in their children. CD

Bert Atkinson Jr

To be perfectly blunt – these ‘adults’ that protested a kindergarten rally to sing a patriotic song are the reason our country has a failing economy. Apparently they had nothing better to do than to go to a park to yell at 5-year-olds.

You must be kidding me.

Remember a few weeks ago when a New York City principal banned children from singing God Bless the U.S.A. during a ceremony because she deemed the lyrics to be offensive?

Well, in the aftermath, a group of parents organized a protest at a nearby playground in which their kindergartners would sing the patriotic song, and even attracted Rep. Bob Turner (R – N.Y.).

“I thought it would be a great idea,” Rep. Turner said. “The kids were a delight.”

So this seems like a positive thing to do: Organize a peaceful protest away from the school in which children would be waving American flags and singing the song they were banned from singing. It would bring attention to the issue without finger pointing, bickering, and name-calling.

Unfortunately for the children involved (and anyone who has respect for America), several tasteless children adults were “shouting down the kids as they were singing,” Rep. Turner told Fox News Radio.

“You Republicans come go to a Republican area and do that, we don’t do that here,” one of the hecklers said. “This is ridiculous, this is sad. This is so crazy. This is sad.”

A Turner staffer can be heard off camera asking the protesters to stop – and to “let the kids sing.”

“The kids don’t even know what they’re singing,” the unidentified protester replied. “They got something you tell them to say. It’s ridiculous. It’s sad, sad, sad. You all are going to burn in hell. You all burn in hell. Shame on you. Shame on you.”

At one point, a tattooed protester cursed.

“You got a right to make noise, I got a right to make noise,” the protester said.”

If you are not proud to live in your country, what are you proud of?

I am baffled when people are not outwardly proud to live in America. We may bicker at each other, and we have the right to, but this is about respect for the youth of America. These parents organized a peaceful protest away from the school, and a bunch of rude children adults immaturely came down to protest the singing of God Bless the U.S.A.

To be perfectly blunt – these ‘adults’ that protested a kindergarten rally to sing a patriotic song are the reason our country has a failing economy. Apparently they had nothing better to do than to go to a park to yell at 5-year-olds.